Beat negative perfectionism!

Beat negative perfectionism!

http://www.hackcollege.com/blog/2014/09/03/3-quick-tips-to-beat-negative-perfectionism.html

An excellent article from hackcollege.com on how to break free from obsessiveness and negative thinking when completing projects.

Letting go of Perfectionism

This posting is from GRADUpdATE@uwo.ca, a listserv from Western dedicated to helping students succeed in graduate school. E-mail questions, comments, or suggestions to: owner-gradupdate@uwo.ca . This service is provided by Student Development Centre’s Learning Skills Services, Room 4100, Western Student Services Building, The University of Western Ontario, Canada; www.sdc.uwo.ca/learning/

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“The opposite of perfection isn’t imperfection or mediocrity; it’s reality. It’s possibility.”

Tamar Chansky

Do you feel like the work you accomplish is never quite good enough? Do you delay turning in papers so you can keep working on them until they are just right? Do you feel that unless you give more than a 100 percent to everything you do, your work will be mediocre or even a failure?

If so, rather than simply working toward success, you may in fact be trying to be perfect. Perfectionism refers to a set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high unrealistic goals. Perfectionism is often mistakenly seen in our society as desirable or even necessary for success. However, studies have shown that perfectionist attitudes actually interfere with success. The desire to be perfect can both rob you of a sense of personal satisfaction and cause you to fail to achieve as much as people who have more realistic strivings. (Counseling Center at University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, 2007)

As Psychologist Susan Meindl explains:  Because perfectionism refuses to compassionately admit to human limits, it continually undermines self esteem. It makes it impossible to accept the inadequacies and frailties which are the result of our individual uniqueness, which we must accept in order to accept ourselves. Because it proposes inhuman standards on self and others, it makes it impossible to ever feel successful, accomplished or proud... no matter how much good work has been done. At the graduate school level original thinking becomes part of the skill set that the academic program is trying to develop. When perfectionism limits spontaneity, flexibility, and willingness to take risks and explore imperfect partial responses, it also tends to limit or block creativity.

So how do we help ourselves relinquish perfectionism and keep reality in our game plan? Below are some excerpts Tamar Chansky’s article “How to Overcome Perfectionism: 8 Strategies for Making a Better Life.” For the full article visit http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamar-chansky/perfectionism_b_1556414.html

Do an Accurate Assessment

If our inner-perfectionist were cheering us on from the sidelines, that would be one thing, but if it's a rant and it sounds like: "This isn't right, this isn't good enough; what are you even thinking with that?" we need to pull the plug - not on the project, but on the perfectionist. To counteract those negative messages, get the facts. Ask yourself different questions and really answer them: What is working? What are you enjoying? What is the purpose of what you are doing? Are you meeting that purpose? Or, if things aren't working so well, don't give up - ask yourself why it isn't working. Maybe this is a clue about where you need to head next.

Is This a Difference That Makes a Difference?

Because we can get hung up on the smallest details, wanting every part of a project to be perfect, it can be easy to lose sight of the big picture. It’s important we determine if each part of the project needs so much time and attention, or if all of the extra effort on a particular part could be better spent elsewhere. A good way to figure that out is to ask: Is this a difference (my spending this extra time) that will make a difference in the long run? Yes, your resumé was perfect, but if you're late for the interview - well, you get the point. Rather than siphoning off your energy to pay the perfection meter, imagine how much better those resources could be spent, advancing the bigger goal of the project.

Let Go of All-or-Nothing Thinking

What sends us down the chute of failure and despair and convinces us we should abandon a project, or at least procrastinate working on it, is finding one thing not going well and then jumping to the conclusion that the whole thing is shot. Think in parts. If a leaf of a tree, or even a branch, gets damaged, does that condemn the whole tree? Make use of the word "some": Some things are working, some things are not. Take note of both.

How Important Is This Task?

Another helpful place for the notion of "some" is whether the success of this project or endeavor will impact all of your life forever, or whether some things will be impacted by the success of this project, but other things will remain unchanged. The pressure on the perfectionist is that every moment of stepping into the spotlight or every word you write, involves a permanent scorecard. Not everything can be of paramount importance in your life.  Some things do count more than others, when something doesn't count - let it go.

Resources

Counseling Center at University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, 2007. “Perfectionism.”

http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/self-help-brochures/academic-difficulties/perfectionism/

Meindl, Susan. “Grad School Perfectionism Creates Stress, Anxiety and Depression Rather than Excellence. http://ezinearticles.com/?Grad-School-Perfectionism-Creates-Stress,-Anxiety-and-Depression-Rather-Than-Excellence&id=2210275

Chansky, T. (2012) “How to Overcome Perfectionism: 8 Strategies for Making a Better Life.” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamar-chansky/perfectionism_b_1556414.html

Controlling Perfectionism and Procrastination

While at first glance perfectionism and procrastination may not appear to be linked, there are significant correlations between these two behaviours. Gordon Flett, a York University psychologist, found that students are more likely to procrastinate when they feel external pressures to achieve perfection (Macleans.ca). This strive for perfection can in turn result in procrastination, as students may fear finishing a paper that does not meet their unattainably high goals. As such, the two coexist in a cyclical manner and make overcoming one difficult without overcoming the other. However, all is not lost! It is possible to manage the cycle of perfectionism and procrastination, and we’ve got some useful tips to help you in controlling these habits.

What is perfectionism? Perfectionism refers to the act of self-defeating thoughts and behaviours aimed at achieving excessively high and unrealistic goals. Although often seen as valuable and necessary for success, perfectionism often stands in the way of achievement. Some causes of perfectionism are a fear of failure or making mistakes, a fear of disapproval, or an all or nothing attitude. Some possible outcomes of perfectionism are frustration, anger, impatience, test anxiety, or poor grades.

Strategies to control perfectionism:

• Set realistic goals. Be sure to set reasonable and attainable goals based on the timeframe you are working within. Remember to be flexible – life often gets in the way!
• Embrace your mistakes. Making mistakes is part of learning! Try and see these mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve because failure is an integral part of success.
• Focus on the process. Value the process and not just the outcome. Rather than focusing solely on the finished product, try and recognize what you enjoyed about the task.
• Aim for less than 100%. This will help you realize that the world will not end if you do not achieve perfection. Instead try aiming for excellence – this will allow you to work strenuously, not obsessively, to achieve your goals and still succeed.
• Avoid negative thoughts. Don’t beat yourself up if you do not achieve 100%. Reward yourself for your accomplishments and recognize the hard work and effort you’ve put in thus far has helped you get to where you are today!
• Get help when needed. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. Rather, it is the smart thing to do!

What is procrastination? Procrastination is the act of putting off/delaying work that needs to be done. It is the act of thinking that there is going to be a better time to do a certain task or that you should wait until you are in a better mood/mindset to do something that needs to be done. Some causes of procrastination are a fear of failure or success, a fear or separation (from family or friends) or losing control (“I’ll decide when to hand this paper in!”), or as a result of bad habits or distractions. Some possible outcomes of procrastination are stress, disappointment, low motivation, test anxiety, or poor grades.

Strategies to control procrastination:

• Divide the task. Break your large task into smaller, manageable tasks. Plan ahead to work in segmented time slots to avoid doing too much of the same activity in one sitting. This can make your studying/assignment seem more manageable.
• Set realistic goals. Be sure to set reasonable and attainable goals based on the timeframe you are working within. Remember to be flexible – life often gets in the way!
• There is no time like the present. Avoid putting things off. By dividing the task into smaller sections, the task can appear less daunting and more feasible for you to begin right away. Focus on one thing at a time and use the “D.I.N. rule” of do it now – making even minimal progress on a task increases the likelihood you can and will finish it.
• Take time to relax and reward yourself. Try to intersperse rewards, relaxation, and gratification within your work schedule for work completed. This will make you less resentful toward the task and the work that still needs to be done.
• Monitor your progress on the small steps. Create a task list of things you need to complete each day and prioritize them from most to least important. Keep track of the segments of your tasks and how they fit together, reassessing time commitments as necessary. Assess problems as they arise and deal with them quickly and efficiently.
• Get help when needed. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. Rather, it is the smart thing to do!

Information on perfectionism and procrastination resources for graduate students at the University of Guelph can be found through Learning Services at the following link: http://www.lib.uoguelph.ca/assistance/learning_services/handouts/controlling_procrastination.cfm

This post was adapted from Simon Fraser University’s ‘Perfectionism’: (http://learningcommons.sfu.ca/sites/default/files/218/Perfectionism.pdf), Simon Fraser University’s ‘Procrastination’: (http://learningcommons.sfu.ca/sites/default/files/218/Procrastination.pdf), University of Dundee’s ‘Perfectionism’: (http://www.dundee.ac.uk/studentservices/counselling/leaflets/perfect.htm), University of Guelph’s ‘Controlling Procrastination’: (http://www.lib.uoguelph.ca/assistance/learning_services/handouts/controlling_procrastination.cfm), University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign’s ‘Overcoming Procrastination’: (http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=111), University of Reading’s ‘Perfectionism (and procrastination)’: (http://www.reading.ac.uk/web/FILES/counselling/Perfectionism_and_procrastination_2011.pdf), On Campus’ ‘Perfectionists tend to procrastinate: York U. psychologist’ by Macleans.ca: (http://oncampus.macleans.ca/education/2012/09/06/perfectionists-tend-to-procrastinate-york-u-psychologist/), and Massey University’s ‘Procrastination and perfectionism’: (http://owll.massey.ac.nz/study-skills/procrastination-and-perfectionism.php).